As It Turns Out, No Rapture...Yet

I had been thinking lately that the rapture might have happened and none of us noticed. I was wondering where all of the support for the Afghanistan and Iraq War went. Where all of those people who brought their Dixie Chick's CDs to public bonfires and openly hated anyone who might have an ancestor from the Mid-East. Or the people that wanted to build an actual Great Wall of Texas to keep out all Mexican people. (Who, 1 out of 10 times, mistaken for Muslim Terrorists in Indiana)

What happened to all of the Evangelicals who openly hate everyone who have a good fashion sense and always taped every episode of Will and Grace. Everyone who defended George W. Bush even as he let an entire southern city drown, patting those responsible for the failure of Gov't to do it's job on their collective backs. And after that, hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqi and Afghan civilians, thousands of dead American soldiers, no bin laden, no WMDs...they all still managed to vote for George's simple little head again because the the other guy looked French. All those who say that Global Warming is bullshit created by the Democrats to spread abortion. (Yeah, I know, I don't get that either)

All those who thirst for 1957 America, but with Reagan as President, and with the junior senator from Wisconsin, McCarthy, primal screaming "communist" at anyone who disagrees with him.
Ever since the Bush machine hit the iceberg and started taking on water, I was wondering what happened. They all seemed so dedicated, even when mutilated bodies were being hauled back to the US and Cheney wouldn't let any press take pictures of the coffins. I just wondered where all the numbers went? I know we had some of you all over Fox News when most humans were saying, "Hey man, torturing people is not cool." Their spokespeople were all over that. But where did the numbers go?

But in the last two months, I thought maybe God had changed his mind and sent them all back to defeat the Antichrist president. The numbers are good again, and just as resistant to knowledge and facts and logic and decency and compassion and peace and understanding as ever.

Nice to see you back. But just a quick request: If the rapture does come, could you tell God that Brett Michael Houchin wouldn't mind being Left Behind, because he thinks that the United States might be able to move a little more towards a great nation now that we've unloaded about a billion pounds of crazy? Thanks.

Tell Sen. McCarthy I said, "What's Up." Be careful what you say around him though, you don't wanna get kicked off of God's cabinet because you once read a Communist pamphlet, or O magazine. Or you once called Republicans assholes. (If that gets you sent to hell, it's gonna be crowded down there, because about 4/5 of the world's population think exactly that)